The Last Push….

It was 21st September; I felt this unusual pain in my tummy. It was like high tides; mounting with full aggression and then sinking as a calm wave. The frequency increased. My mother in-law rushed me to the nursing home. Death would be less painful; I was howling and throbbing in that superlative pain.

It was all wet…. My water bag burst!

I was hurried to the delivery room.

“Push! Push with all your strength.” “You have to concentrate and give a strong PUSH!”

I collected all my physical, mental and emotional strength and PUSHED….

My baby! My angel! World of my happiness has finally out in this world!

The umbilical cord connecting you and me was cut….

Leaving behind the comfort and safe abode of her for nine months; from womb to our home.

Soon you experienced all the discomforts and comforts of being alive! You cried to tell- “feed me.” You cried to say- “clean me.” And you smiled to the comfort of my lap; and you giggled to see your dad.

With your tiny feet you took the first step. How ecstatic I felt when the first time you uttered “Ma”!  And each day you grew; adjusting and adapting into the world outside me.

“Push her!” “You have to PUSH her into the school bus…..”

You were sobbing and clenched me. This time it was even more painful….i was not howling but something inside me was dreadfully worried as if a part of me was splitting but again I pushed you out of the comfort and safety of your home into a new world….; I pushed you into this world which is meant for the survival of the fittest.

And the brace between you and me was broken……

Step by step, class by class you raised yourself. You bloomed and equipped yourself to conquer the hearts. One after another you filled the shelves with achievements. You made our cores inflated with pride! Praises, fames, love and respect, all you earned.

“Push!” “Push her…..she needs to go…..”

Ahh! Again for the last time, I have to push you…. Will I be able to survive the pain this time!? Irrespective of the pain and my fate; I’m going to push you into the world of your dreams. Go carve your destiny, live your life as you want. The whole new world is going to unfold for you…. Fly away from the nest because you have to scale the heights and fly beyond the sky! Go! The beautiful life is waiting to embrace you!

And I’m going to set you free….

I’m going to PUSH you the last time…..

 

© 2018 Charu Gupta and Potpourri of life.

 

Am I Growing Old?

What’s in the name, Shakespeare said

What’s in the age is the real quest! 

“Don’t behave like a five year old kid; come on grow up!” I heard a mother telling her twelve year old (appeared to me physically) son in the park. “Stop playing with the sand; go and play cricket with children your age” instructed the mother.

Yes, how you behave depends on your age. Is it? Yes, it is.. otherwise you will be termed as a moron, immature and if you act smarter than your age then you will be called too mature or ahead of your age.

So, to sound normal you must conduct yourself according to your chronicle age.

I wonder whether I’m normal or abnormal because many a times I forget to keep my age in mind before expressing myself. I’m a mother of two grown up kids (as per the parameter of chronicle aging) but I hardly feel the pressure to act like a ‘mother’ all the time. Is something wrong with me!?

I admit- The society, my parents and other people of my age made me believe that I must behave in a particular manner, to look responsible, caring and sensible. And most of the time I follow the notion.

My honest self- I don’t feel the age! I love licking my plate after finishing my favourite food like a five year old! I love tickling and teasing my kids like their friends do! I love being romantic with my husband like a teenager! I talk to my teenage daughter like her elder sister! I still crave to stay in company of my parents and siblings!

I’m growing old in numbers but my tastes, emotions and feelings are not ageing; I still cry when it hurts (emotionally). I go mad on trivial things and each emotion clearly reflects through my face.

According to my philosophy how you act depends on your experiences and learnings, age has nothing to do with it. Emotions and feelings that develop in a person remain the same irrespective of age. A fifty year old guy can be as romantic as a teenager. And there’s always a child living within us with an urge to do some mischief or fun. We must not burden ourselves with the idea to always act according to our chronicle age. You might have cut fifty birthday cakes so far but your heart may be just twenty five years old and mentally you may sound a sixty year experienced person.

Forget the age, follow your heart. Life is not in the numbers but in the way you live it without any pretense.

Time to blow some candles and cut my favourite cake; time to celebrate the day when life was gifted to me. Am I growing old? Well, who cares… 🙂

 

© 2018 Charu Gupta and Potpourri of life.

 

Who’s at Fault?

Some Newspaper clippings-

A 16-year-old class IX student of a private school committed suicide at her Noida home on Tuesday evening.

A distraught mother has claimed that her 11-year-old son was driven to suicide by bullies at his school.

 A Fact-

India has one of the world’s highest suicide rates for youth aged 15 to 29, according to Lancet report.

A child ending his/her life! Imagine the trauma, the stress and the despairing of that child. An 11 year old child and his little heart were unable to handle the pressure created by the immediate environment that death seemed to be more comforting than life!! Just an eleven year old!

And the parents? Can’t even imagine; God! No one in this world should go through this doom. But the fact is this is happening around us and every day we read this as any other News…..sad!   Heart drenching

A child who has not even cherished enough rain drops; who has yet not made enough sand castles; who has yet to decide what he wants to become when he grows up!……ends life….and left behind is the question, WHY? And devastated parents and their unfilled dreams. Not even all the oceans, not even all the sky could fill the vacuum in the parents’ life.

 Who’s at fault?

The teacher who gave below acceptable grades or the peers who bully the child? Or the School, or the Principal or the whole education system? Whom to blame?

The teacher passed some derogatory remarks about my child and he couldn’t take that insult in front of the whole class and he committed suicide!

A group of boys bullied my child for his dark complexion and my child felt humiliated and committed suicide!

The School has failed my child in the final exams and my child was uncertain about his future and committed suicide!

The fact is my child was not emotionally strong. He/she had lot of pressure to excel. He had lack of self- confident and suffered from low self-esteem.

But why? Who’s at fault?

Have you, as a parent told your bundle of joy that come what may, you will love him/her unconditionally forever?

Have you asked your child to chase his dreams not yours? That he needs not to achieve what you couldn’t but achieve what he wants?

Have you told him that you will be his best friend forever and he can always share his dilemmas, fears and secrets with you?

Does he know that you will always believe in his worth irrespective of his grades?

Parents are the first teacher of a child and family is his first school. Have you been a good teacher? Has the family provided a conducive environment?

As a teacher I have witnessed parents saying-

“Ma’am, this time my daughter has scored one mark less in the test, she is not concentrating properly please make her stand near your desk so that she can score perfect 10!”

“Ma’am, how come my son has not been selected for the final round of the competition? Could you please tell me the judging criteria?”

“Ma’am, my child has got A+ in all the subjects but how come he got B+ in dance?” “Why was my child not given the first row position in the annual function?”

Parents are driving their children to score full on full, even half a mark less is unacceptable. Every time, continuously and constantly the child is under pressure to excel. Grades/marks are persistently stealing away his right to a carefree childhood. Grades, competitions and achievement certificates are big monsters that always haunt him. “You have to score great grades, you have to win every competition and you must be good at singing, art, dance and sports”.

Life doesn’t end at grades! And every child can’t excel in all the subjects as well as in co-curricular activities!

Parents want to live their dreams, their aspirations and their choices through the child. What about a child’s desires? How much stress a small child can handle?

Thank God my Parents were quite sensible and supportive even when I managed to score just the passing marks in my 10th class Board Math exam, they did not force me to take commerce stream (Science was out of bound due to my marks.) Otherwise today I won’t be writing this article, would have been somewhere in the stars! And after I got subjects of my choice after 10th there was no looking back. I was filled with self-confidence and the desire to outshine.

Who’s at fault?

Were you as a parent available to your child when he needed you at the time he was first bullied? Did you counsel him and cement his self- esteem? Did you tell him how you look doesn’t matter but how you behave does?

How the outside world will behave is not in your control but how you prepare your child to take it, is very much in your control. Build his emotional quotient so strong that any cuss words, derogatory remarks or failures can’t shatter his belief in himself. Develop his confidence that you will always be there to support him as a rock whenever he needs.

Don’t tie the child with your dreams but let him fly to chase his own. Prepare him to face challenges that life throws with conviction. Tell the child, it’s okay to fail, you can always try again, it’s okay to score average; you have other talents to pursue. Don’t worry if you are not able to figure out your future; we’ll sit together and find the best options of your choice. Tell him life is beautiful and you love him just the way he is. A confession – as a parent I am no different from the other parents, but each day every moment I’m trying to be non-judgmental and a better parent.

Be a great teacher, a great parent, be a pillar of strength and love; and see your child bloom in this beautiful world.

A wishful thinking – No report cards, just the aptitude tests and a sky of hope and the world of happiness. Each child is unique, each child is the best.